If you’re family, or if you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’ll know that I’ve been in hospital for the last 3 and a bit weeks. I’d had stomach pains for a couple of weeks when it got so bad that I went to A&E.
I was convinced they were going to send me home with indigestion tablets and tell me off for wasting their time, but it turns out I had acute pancreatitis! After two weeks in hospital attached to numerous drips and doped up on morphine, I was well enough to have my gall bladder removed, and I then had to stay in hospital for another week for further tests.
I was so happy to be free, that I managed to get out of the house at the weekend to spend a couple of hours with Cameron’s Auntie Julie and Uncle David on Saturday, and a couple of hours with my Aunty Ann today. Definitely in need of the painkillers that I’m currently relying on, I can’t believe how tired and in pain I am right now!
As we had half a day off work to go and see Chicago at the Alhambra Theatre in Bradford, since Cameron bought me tickets for Christmas, we decided to take Cameron’s mum and Auntie Julie out for a nice lunch at The Tetley in Leeds. And delicious it was too, just as good as last time we went there!
In a post last month, I alluded to some ‘personal problems’ that I’d been having and that I’d blog about it later. I’m not sure I’m quite ready yet, but I think I need to write about it, so here goes.
My grandma passed away at the beginning of February. She’d been in a care home for a while after spending over a month in hospital at the end of last summer, suffering many strokes that left her completely changed from her usual self. Even so, it came as a massive shock and left our entire family devastated.
She was the true matriarch of the family; kind and smart and wonderfully funny – always laughing with an infectious smile. A very tech-savvy pensioner, she loved playing scrabble and solitaire on her PC, and even took herself back to college to learn how to use her PC better! I know everyone says this, but she was the best grandma in the world and I think it’s fair to say that we all miss her very much.
It’s been over 2 months since and I still think about her all the time. The strangest things bring her to the front of my mind, like walking into a room full of cross-stitching at East Riddlesden Hall this weekend, or spending a Saturday afternoon doing the newspaper crossword and some puzzle books with Cameron just like she used to do with my Grandad.
But she’s now reunited with my Grandad after more than ten years apart, and I’m sure she’s being looked after by Grandad, Uncle John and Uncle Geoff.
Although I don’t usually take much notice of them, I keep an eye on the Daily Post from WordPress which aims to give you blog inspiration for when you’re stuck what to write. Today’s is ‘Dear Mom‘, a prompt to write a letter to your mum to tell her what you have always wanted to say but haven’t been able to, and I knew immediately that I wanted to write something. The first thing that came to mind was my favourite Il Divo song, called Mama. Extracts from the song below, and video at the bottom of the post.
Mama, thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I’m not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot
Mama remember all my life You showed me love, you sacrificed Think of those young and early days How I’ve changed along the way
… Mama forgive the times you cried Forgive me for not making right All of the storms I may have caused And I’ve been wrong, Dry your eyes
… Mama I hope this makes you smile I hope you’re happy with my life At peace with every choice I made How I’ve changed along the way
Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams And I owe it all to you, Mama
But although the songs seems perfect, I guess it’s not really in the spirit of what was meant, so here’s the letter I want to write.
Firstly, and most importantly, I love you (even if I don’t say it as often as I should any more). I’d like to say thank you for everything that you’ve done for me over the last 23 years and for being so supportive of everything that I’ve done. I know that we fight more often than we used to and I wish we didn’t, I hate when we’re not getting on and I’m sorry that I can be so grumpy with you. We don’t spend as much time together as we used to because I work during the day and you work in the evenings and I miss that, all the girly days out we used to have, just me, you and Vicky and lots of laughs.
You worked so hard when we were younger to raise a young family with very little money, and you’ve brought us up to understand the value of money and that there are definitely more important things in life than having the most expensive pair of trainers; like family and health and love. I think that’s the best gift you could have given us.
The day you had the stroke was the scariest day of my life, seeing you lying on the floor in the garden with no idea what was happening was terrifying, and then you being taken off in the ambulance and sitting at home waiting for news, that was the longest morning I’ve ever experienced. An angel must have been watching over you that day because it could have been so much worse. Thankfully, everything turned out okay and you’re better, but I’ve not really learnt the lesson that I should have done from that day, to take no moments for granted and spend every day living, laughing and loving. Just thinking back to that is making me cry, so I really need to work harder to live in the moment with you and make every day special.
I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you and I love you and I always will. You’re an amazing mum and I’m sure Vicky and Frank will agree that we couldn’t have asked for anyone better.